you've got me wondering...

A friend on Facebook recently posted a status asking anyone who has, or knows someone who has, suffered from depression to repost said status in support of Depression Awareness Week. I’m not knocking that friend as she’s one of the most beautiful people (inside and out) on the face of the planet, but this status made me wonder a few things:

1). Just how many people who actually suffer, or have suffered from depression would admit it, especially in the social and very public sphere of Facebook, and

2). And how many people would actually aware of friends who were suffering, or had suffered, from depression.

I’m sure many people would like to think they would be able to spot when a friend is hurting, but from personal experience they generally don’t.

I can’t claim to have suffered from “depression” as I never actually sought a professional diagnosis (I didn’t want to have my head shrunk, or addled with drugs) but I did survive a pretty dark period and this status made me wonder if anyone actually noticed. Were my mood swings just that, mood swings? Was my laughter so genuine that they had no idea I was so numb inside that I would take scissors to my skin just to make sure I could still feel? Could they see it eating me up inside? Did they know?

I don’t think they did, and that’s not their fault; they’re not minder readers; and my problems have always been my own to fix, even when they seemed too big to tackle… So now I wonder, how can anyone else claim to know when their friends are suffering similar dark feelings? Is it societal? Have we been taught not to look too deep, for fear of what we might have to deal with? Or worse, take responsibility for fixing?

I have no answers.

Years later that time is still a painful, and frightening, memory, (that I'm still not 100% comfortable talking about) but at least I survived it, and can offer this advice: if you are suffering, you can beat it. Will telling someone help? I don’t know, but I wish I had: just hoping that someone will see through you to heart of your pain and miraculously make it all better is unrealistic; but if I'd told someone, at least I'd have had someone by my side for the tough battle ahead.
If you’re not suffering, then take a closer look at your friends, pay attention to random mood swings, or if they become withdrawn and isolate themselves; listen closely to what they say and even closer to what they don't say... especially if they’re stubborn buggers like me.